The worst movies of 2010

It’s time to look back at the worst Hollywood had to offer this year, a task that was more difficult than it might seem simply because a large majority of films settled comfortably into mediocrity instead of really challenging themselves to be terrible.

Just look at some of the crappy films I’ve seen that are not on this list: “Step Up 3,” “Charlie St. Cloud,” “Daybreakers” and “Twilight: Eclipse” somehow missed the cut in spite of themselves.

But there is an important caveat to this list: I have not and will not see “Yogi Bear,” of which I have no doubt would have been a mortal lock to wind up here. Just the preview itself was enough to give me chills.

So, without further ado, let’s take a look at the worst of the worst. Remember, I’m trying to do you a service. If you haven’t seen these, consider yourself lucky.

Either Jennifer Aniston has naked pictures of Hollywood executives fornicating with farm animals or she is part of a supersecret cabal dedicated to putting subliminal messages in movies in the hopes of an alien takeover. Those are the only two explanations as to how Aniston keeps getting work despite her continued rejection by the public. Her latest fiasco is this horrific “action comedy,” which pairs her with an equally inept Gerard Butler as bickering former lovers on the run from the most generic criminals possible. It’s bad enough that Aniston and Butler have negative chemistry, but SNL vet Jason Sudekis shows up and delivers a performance so awful, even Kenan Thompson was embarrassed. Yes, Aniston has a great body, but so does Kayla Kleevage – that doesn’t mean she should be a A-list movie star.

The epitome of what’s wrong with 3-D. I paid premium prices to watch a muddy, pseudo-conversion of talking animals? Well, actually, I didn’t, as I fell asleep midway through this crap. Normally, I feel guilty when I fall asleep during a movie, but here I slept the sleep of the innocent. You know a kid’s movie is bad when your 4-year-old doesn’t like it. And that’s what we have here. A sequel to a movie that no one cared about in the first place, done at the lowest common denominator. Did you know this cost $80 million to make? $80 million! I’m sure James Marsden, Christina Applegate, Neil Patrick Harris and the other celebrity voices wanted to do this for their children or something, but how about actually spending some time with them instead of foisting this junk onto the public?

Kevin Smith is a very talented, very funny guy, but this movie should be a lesson to him that he should never work as a director for hire. Smith’s technical shortcomings are often saved by his potent writing, but here, he’s going through the motions filming a painfully unfunny comedy. I’m not sure how you waste actors like Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan and Seann William Scott, but when someone named “The Shit Bandit” plays a major role in the film, that’s a sign that something is off. Morgan does his thing, but are we to believe that someone who seems mentally handicapped in one scene is somehow able to become a serious cop in the next? That’s just one of the many problems on display here. There’s nothing worse than an unfunny comedy.

Hey, did you know Kevin James is fat? Or that Rob Schneider is ugly? Well, if you didn’t, then “Grown Ups” is the movie for you, because that seems to be the sole point of its existence. Adam Sandler got together with his buddies and made a home movie of them goofing off. It might have been fun for them, but for us, the result is like missing out on a joke. From the uninspired title to the lazy plot, this movie seems to exist solely for Sandler and his friends to get together and have a working vacation. I bet they knew they made a shitty movie, but were content to laugh all the way to the bank as this crossed the $100 million barrier with ease. What’s wrong with us?

This has all the makings of a so-bad-it’s-good flick, but the end result is a what-did-I-just-watch? mess that will go down as one of the biggest bombs in Hollywood history. Seriously, this movie is about 75 minutes long, and those 75 minutes are some of the most confusing ever put on celluloid. The film had three editors, and I’m not sure whether they should be given an award for cobbling something together or thrown out of the profession for overseeing this mishmash. Characters come and abruptly go without explanation. There are flashbacks within flashbacks. Subplots begin and are quickly aborted. The tone veers wildly from camp to seriousness. Sometimes there’s narration, sometimes not. What happened with this movie truly is a mystery. You should not try to figure it out.

If you are going to make a sports movie, you have to make sure the sports scenes work. If you’re going to make a romantic comedy, you have to make sure your leads have chemistry. In “Just Wright,” neither one of those critical elements is present. Common, the slight, vegetarian rapper who is pushing 40, stars as an All-Star guard for the Nets who suffers a devastating injury and must be rehabilitated by Queen Latifah. You know Queen Latifah, the sexually nebulous, zaftig rapper-turned-white people favorite? Yeah. It’s as bad as it sounds. The basketball action is laughable, the romance is awkward and everything else is extremely predictable. It figures that the one time my beloved Nets get to be in a movie, it’s in one as bad as this. The curse of Dr. J. continues.

Here are a few questions I had while trying to make sense of this half-cocked horror film, which makes the cardinal sin of being boring. Why does the angel Michael (Paul Bettany) have a British accent when his brother Gabriel does not? Did Dennis Quaid and Tyrese really have that much fun while making “Flight of the Phoenix” that they decided to team up again for this? Will Lucas Black ever play any other role than kindly redneck? Can I get my money back? When you are actively rooting for the lead female to die a horrible death at the hands of vampire angels, there is something fundamentally wrong with the movie.

Oh, there’s so much I could say here. I’m not foolish enough to suggest a low-budget slasher flick from the ’80s should be held as some sort of sacred cow, but if you’re going to tackle remaking one of the icons of the horror genre, how about putting a little effort into it? It’s not remotely scary, and frankly, it looks cheap – from the tacky CGI blood to Freddy’s shoddy makeup to the awful, low-rent cast. This screams cash-in job to take advantage of today’s stupid teens. And you know what? That’s fine, but don’t pretend like you’re reinventing the horror genre and this is all you come back with. To quote Roger Ebert, I hated, hated, hated this movie.

I try to give indie movies some slack, but when you’ve got a cast that features Adam Scott, Ving Rhames, Ellen Barkin, Rob Corddry, Brandon Jackson, Bob Odenkirk, Maggie Q, Zach Galifinakis and others, you’ve got to do more than strand them in some sort of arch Spy vs. Spy satire. This movie was shot in 20 days, and it looks and feels like it thanks to the cheap sets, shoddy special effects and rudimentary plot. What’s worse, is that the filmmakers attempt to inject some sort of political statement by framing the mayhem around the inauguration of President Obama. Plus, how in the world could Claire from “Lost” beat Rhames in a fight?

Takes everything that was terrible about the first film and accentuates it to the nth degree. When the best thing about your film is Liza Minnelli performing at a gay wedding, that is saying something. This received some of the worst reviews of the year, but my favorite remains the brutal takedown delivered by Lindy West of The Stranger. The film has been stretched and pulled into a bloated running time, which means by the inevitable conclusion even the most ardent of fans will have tired of Carrie and Co. The gags are hackneyed at best, and at the end, most people will be wondering why these characters are popular in the first place. Let’s not even get into the blatant racism on display. Even the clothes are ugly.


~ by Elliott on December 31, 2010.

3 Responses to “The worst movies of 2010”

  1. I hated the original Sex and the City and Cats and Dogs – so I stayed away from the sequels. The film that most enjoyed but I hated was Get Him to the Greek.

  2. aoooooo…your assessment of theyer’s worst movies was
    right on the $$$$$$…SATC2 really disappointed me. And you are
    right again..the clothes were beyond ugly. who wears a ballgown to
    go shopping in a bazaar?

  3. […] reference, check my worst lists of 2009 and 2010. So without further ado, let’s check out the bottom of the […]

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