Speidi and the power of universal hatred

speidiFortunately, I remain mostly ignorant of the plague that is Spencer and Heidi Pratt: I’ve never seen “The Hills,” don’t subscribe to “Us Weekly” or religiously watch E! But I know enough about them to know this: I hate them. So do you. So does everyone. And that’s a good thing.

I’m a firm believer that we need to hate things – it’s part of our makeup – and so it becomes even easier, and acceptable, to focus that energy into something or someone we all truly despise.

Very few people are universally hated, but I’d venture that the media entity known as “Speidi” is one of them – insufferable “celebrities” created by an insipid reality show who don’t have the good sense to realize they are lucky to have had even the briefest brush with fame.

In fact, they seem to believe that fame is owed to them, as evidenced by their recent turn on “I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here” (which I am embarrassed to have seen), when they quit the show, claiming the rest of the cast devalued their fame only to return because they needed to be better Christians. Let me tell you something, Speidi – even Jesus hates you.

Since then, they’ve made the rounds, doing whatever it is they do while pissing people off along the way. Even poor Al Roker, arguably one of the nicest guys in the world, had to fire off a mean Twitter salvo after this bon mot from Heidi:

“I really would advise women especially to be careful around him, because I feel like he definitely came and attacked me.”

The only people who don’t hate Speidi are TV folks, who realize that we all hate them, and thus put them in front of us so we can verbalize our hatred in front of the tube. How else to explain the seeming omnipotence of two completely talentless people?

Let’s take a look at what they have accomplished during their agonizing run in the public eye:

  • Heidi got the stereotypical boob/nose job and plans to pose for Playboy
  • Heidi released one of the worst music videos in the history of the medium
  • Spencer embarked on a rap career, saying he’s “the future of hip hop.”
  • Spencer found Jesus, saying He helped him survive the Costa Rican jungle

Doesn’t all this make you want to punch both of them right in the face? Ladies, you take Heidi, and the fellas will get Spencer.

America is a fractured nation that can’t agree on much, but I think we can all come to terms with wishing Heidi and Spencer only the worst during the rest of their miserable, pathetic little lives. And so I say, thank you, Speidi, for providing us with a much needed public service.


~ by Elliott on June 16, 2009.

One Response to “Speidi and the power of universal hatred”

  1. Thanks to you all for donating them to the UK for Celebrity big Brother. They are the most loathsome excuses for people I have ever had the misfortune to see. If I thought I could pull it off I would begin deportation proceedings.

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